Coping with Change: Do you give yourself enough time to process?

Coping with Change: Do you give yourself enough time to process?
 
Many of you know that, at the beginning of last month, I moved back to Greece, after 7 years of living in London. I had wanted to make this move for several years, and I was super-excited about it. What you probably don’t know is that, before I moved back home, I went through another big transition in my life; that of breaking up from a 5-year-long relationship. 
 
I desired both of these shifts. They didn’t ”happen to me”. I initiated them. I asked for them and planned for them. 
 
And still, they were both just that: CHANGES. Transitions -big ones. A huge cycle in my life closing and a brand-new one opening up…And I realize now, in retrospect, how resistance and hesitant I was to really acknowledge that. 
 
Because no matter how excited I was about moving back and starting fresh, no matter how much I was longing for both changes, this doesn’t in any way make it all ‘good’; it doesn’t take away all the different emotions that such a transition (just like every single transition) brings up -nice and not so nice, high and low, bright and dark. 
 
I know now that I was so willing to just let go of the past and jump right into the next, new and exciting adventure that I didn’t leave any space for processing, for feeling, for sitting with what-is -whatever that was-, for grieving what was finished.  
 
I found several distractions this month to keep my mind engaged, ranging from work to relationships to traveling, and so on…
 
And then, finally, my body spoke. I got sick. 
So, then I *had* to pause. I *had* to take time off. I was made by my body (that wise, wonderful being) to STOP and tune in. And listen. And acknowledge. Acknowledge it all.
Open up to the fact that it was not all bright and positive. And that that was OKAY.  (yes, that very same thing that I help my clients see and do every single daywe teach what we most need to learn, right?
 
I feel that, collectively, we are not good at processing -especially when the change or transition is for the better or the best. 
We get so excited about the new beginning, we actually *project* so much on this new place/person/job/hobby/life phase/you name it (all our hopes, wishes and desires about feeling a certain way -and only that way) that we try to convince ourselves that the ending will take care of itself. That the mere act of completing something, moving away, ending a situation is enough -that’s all we need to do. And we try to get distracted or cope with the change in any way that is available to us and that includes food, going on a diet, or attacking our body and wanting it to change, like, yesterday.   
 
We remain oblivious to the fact that the real ending always happens on the inside.
It is, first and foremost, an *inner process*. 
And it requires lots of time and space. Patience. Kindness. And loads of willingness and courage to look inside with so much honesty, see, listen and connect with what is present for us (all of it), even if it doesn’t fit in with the image we have created in our minds, even if it goes against our expectations (especially then) and ALLOW for the different stages of the Alchemy and the transformation to happen at their own wise, divine timing. 
Not rush. Not push. Not cover up or sugar-coat. 
 
A lot has come up for me these last few days.
Old wounds being scratched and needing to be tended to. Deep-seated fears -almost existential ones- being unburried and coming up to the surface to be revisited and, well, just simply felt.
Grief for what used to be, but is not anymore. Resistance and holding on. Tears of release.
All sorts of intense emotions flushing through my body. Energy moving, shifting, swirling inside.
Processing. Processing. Processing. 
 
And, as I’m writing to you today, it’s not over. I’m still in the midst of it. But now, I know. I’m not disconnected anymore. I’m not resisting it in any way. I feel it, I allow it to happen. I make SPACE. And even though it’s not always pleasant, it’s a million times better than before. 
 
Because I’ve stopped fighting. I’ve let go, I’ve surrendered. Because now I’m HERE and I’m WHOLE -not just parts of me. I’m not numbing anything. I’m welcoming it all, holding it all, containing it all.
 
And as I do that, very very slowly, and ever so subtly…a profound sense of gratitude begins to emerge from the deepest place within my being.
Gratitude for what was, is and will always be -that which remains unchanged, in the midst of change.
Gratitude for what I gave and was offered, what I’ve learnt, how I’ve been transformed.
Gratitude also for what I’ve lost, because, since I got it once, it will always live inside me… 
 
 
Yet, we cannot force our way to that Gratitude. Or maybe we can (I certainly tried to), but it will never be the same. It will not be as real, it will not be as deep, nor will it have the same effect on us. 

 

”You have to go through the darkness to reach the light.”

 
You need to sit with the pain, breathe with the struggle, dance with the resistance and surrender to the tears, to get to the other side.
 
{This might as well be my life’s message! This very realization was what literally saved me from my eating disorder, and it keeps coming back to me, over and over again, up to this day!}
 
And I promise you.
I PROMISE YOU: You WILL come out the other side.
You will come out so much richer, and freer, and more whole. 
You will actually come out as a new YOU
 
 
But you cannot rush it and you cannot control it.
You can’t decide what will come out of the process, when it will be completed, or how it will happen. 
All you can do is surrender. Trust. And, above all, be there for yourself, every step of the way. 
 
 

Great is the art of beginning, but greater is the art of Ending

~Lazurus Long

 
So, check in with yourself today:
What’s been left unprocessed inside of you?
What have you not given enough time and space to?
What are you, knowingly or knowingly, consciously or not, trying to brush under the carpet, in order to rush to the ‘good times’ that lie ahead?
And most importantly, will you be joining me in making space and time to process today, even those changes that you really-truly wished for…? 
 
Let us know in the comments below, I’d love to hear from you! 
 
Sending you so much LOVE from deep within my Heart…
 
 

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